Thoughts on Pregnancy #2

(Originally written June 27, 2012.)


I haven't written much on the blog about this pregnancy, but I have been jotting down notes of things I don't want to forget.  I have had a lot of mixed emotions with this second pregnancy.  After my experience with my first pregnancy, labor/delivery, and first several months with Connor, I was incredibly nervous to do it all over again:

First of all, I did not enjoy being pregnant with Connor.  The one fun part was feeling him move, but other than that it was just a means to an end until I had a sweet baby.  My pregnancy was laden with many of the typical pregnancy symptoms - nausea for the first 16 weeks, horrible swelling starting at 20 weeks, to name just two (many of the others are just TMI).   My labor and delivery with Connor was also fairly difficult.  I was induced with Connor on my due date (October 21) and he was born after being in the hospital for 28 hours (his birthday is October 23).  He was a big baby (9 lb 2 oz), and my body paid for it.  I was on Percocet for a full week after I had him, and I could hardly walk more than 10 steps at a time and was in a lot of pain that first week.  Then 1 week to the day after I had him, the PUPPPS started - pure torture for several months.  On top of all this, Connor was not an easy baby and sort of threw me for a loop.  I just didn't expect motherhood to be so hard!  He cried a lot, wanted to eat every hour or 2 for the first several months of his life (including at night) and I had trouble nursing at first.  He would not let me put him down for anything so I had to hold him, or read or sing to him all day every day in order for him not to cry - which was fine until I had to do laundry, or cook, or clean, or even go to the bathroom.  The nerve.  To this day, he is active, demanding, and insists I play with him (he will not play at all by himself) - he knows what he wants and when he wants it, and it's very hard to get him to settle for anything less.  That being said, I have to say that Connor is a good kid now.  He is difficult at times and we have quite a few power struggles on a daily basis, but he listens pretty well and is incredibly smart (sometimes I think too smart for his own good).  Sometimes our biggest challenges are also our biggest blessings - this is one of those.  I love him dearly.  


Probably the biggest challenge of early motherhood for me with Connor (and not many people know this, but I want it on the record) was that I struggled with Postpartum Depression for a few months starting when Connor was about 3 months old.  Those few months were just awful and I felt like the only mom that has ever felt like this.  I always thought to myself, "what is wrong with me - all the other moms can can handle it, why can't I?"  I consider myself a generally happy, talkative, and social person - I love to be around other people.  But during those few months, I was not myself.  Brad and I really struggled, I dreaded getting out of bed, didn't want to talk to or see anyone, and I had to force myself to just take a shower.  It was really difficult for me to find joy in anything.  I am so grateful for wonderful friends in El Segundo who were supportive and helped me through this.  The frequent trips to Disneyland, the park, the beach, the El Segundo Farmer's Market, walking Tuesdays and Thursdays (thanks Becky!), and visiting and listening helped more than they will know.  They were supportive and encouraging that life would eventually get easier and I would eventually sleep again. :)  Once my hormones had a chance to even out (when Connor was about 6 months old), I've felt great since.


Because of that overall bad experience with Connor, I really did not want to do that to myself again.  When Connor was little, Brad and I always joked that we would have 1 child and a puppy (by the way, I totally get why some people only have 1 child!).  But I really do want more kids, and also want Connor to have a sibling(s).  So when Connor turned 2, Brad and I decided it was time to try for #2 (afterall, postponing wouldn't make it any easier).  I was so scared not only for another pregnancy, but now to have to take care of my active and demanding 2 year old at the same time.  Then what if I have another difficult labor/delivery/recovery?  I am also worried that this new baby will be just as hard as Connor.  And how will Connor react to this new baby?  (I will update how this turns out after I post about Baby #2's birth.)


Well, I am so happy to say, my Heavenly Father is watching out for me.  There have been so many tender mercies with this pregnancy, and it hasn't been even close to as bad as my first pregnancy with Connor.  Maybe it's because my body has done this before so it isn't so shocked, but it has been so different that before I found out I am having a boy, I thought I was having a girl.  All the typical symptoms I suffered with my first pregnancy have been far less or non-existent with my second:  less nausea/morning sickness, cloasma (brown spots on face from pregnancy hormones) not as dark or noticeable, almost no heartburn, no leg cramps, I haven't gained near the amount of weight I did with Connor, no (or at least very little) swelling, my stomach hasn't been as itchy in the final weeks, etc, etc.  I even craved different food at the beginning - mostly fruits and veggies with this one as opposed to Lucky Charms, buttered popcorn, and Panda Express with Connor.  This baby get hiccups ALL THE TIME, and Connor NEVER did!  As far as I can tell, the only thing the same is this baby kicks just as hard and seems just as active as I remember Connor being. 


I thought it was going to be so difficult to take care of Connor while being pregnant, but it's been great.  At the beginning when I was slightly morning sick and exhausted from early pregnancy, Connor would wake up at 6:30 a.m, I would go downstairs to get us breakfast (toast, fruit, yogurt, pop-tarts, bread, cereal, and the like), and we would eat in my bed while watching cartoons or a movie for an hour or so.  It really helped with the exhaustion and sickness, allowing me a little more rest in the morning when I needed it the most.  The rest of the day I usually felt fine, and Connor and I were still able to get out of the house and have fun like before I was pregnant.  


When we finally decided to tell Connor about the baby to get him ready for the new arrival (at about 4 or 5 months), at first he just said, "No!  No baby at our house."  He said this until I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant, but slowly started coming around.  As we talked to him more about the baby and tried to teach him what to expect, he understood there was a baby is in mommy's tummy and would tell me when the baby was moving/sleeping.  He told me once that Daddy has a baby in his tummy, and Connor has a baby in his chest, and told me to tickle the baby in his chest.  Now he says baby will say "wa, wa, wa, wa" (with scrunched up face), that babies drink milk, and Connor will watch Blue's Clues with his new brother when he is born (I told him that is a great idea since the baby won't be able to do much else at first).  He is now excited to be a big brother, even asking for his "baby bruver" to come out so he can play with him.


Now that I am getting closer to the end of this pregnancy, I am more nervous about this labor/delivery/recovery than I was with Connor's because I know what I am potentially in for this time.  I am also getting a little sad for Connor because he will no longer get my full attention and I wonder how it will affect him.  He says he is excited to be a big brother, but he just has no idea how much his life is about to change.  I also worry how hard this new baby will be.  I wished away my pregnancy with Connor and just wanted the sweet baby at the end because I was blissfully naiive.  Now I know better!  I am so grateful I have had the entire 9 months to get used to the idea of having 2.  I am in no rush to end this pregnancy because I know babies are so much easier inside than outside.  But, thankfully, in these final weeks of being pregnant, I am getting so excited to meet this little boy.  I love him more with every little kick and wiggle, and I am comforted in knowing that I will have so much help from my family and Brad's mom and in the first couple weeks while I recover and adjust to life with 2.  And then, once they all leave, I know I only have to survive by myself for 4 days a week and Brad will be there to help me the other 3 (he works 10 hrs/day, M-Th).  So now I am just forging ahead with faith that everything will turn out ok and hoping I will be able to handle it. (I don't really have another option at this point!)  But even if I can't, I know it will get easier with time (just like with Connor).  So I just keep telling myself - it will get easier.  It will get easier.  It will get easier... (I will update how this turns out after I post about Baby #2's birth.)

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Now for the fun part - documenting the growing baby and baby bump thru this pregnancy!

First ultrasound - December 6, 2011 (10 weeks pregnant).

If you look closely, you can see his tiny arms folded across his chest and legs sitting Indian style.  So cute!

Second ultrasound - February 13, 2012 (20 weeks) - IT'S A BOY!!!

Sucking on his hand!

3D ultrasound - I want to kiss those little lips!

Growing baby bump:

February 5, 2012 (18.5 weeks)

February 14, 2012 (20 weeks)

February 27, 2012 (22 weeks) - I think the belly popped out this week.

March 16, 2012 (24.5 weeks)

May 1, 2012 (31 weeks)

May 28, 2012 (35 weeks)

June 23, 2012 (38.5 weeks)

June 28, 2012 (39.5 weeks) - I will be induced today!